hychka siem to the Creator

hychka siem to the Creator.. namu ay squeyul and: g'mama granddaughter friend sis cuz daughter auntie ally niece ex and... just ma just me...kat It's my birthday today & I just wanted to thank you all for being such wonderful friends, & to my women friends.. letting you know I respect your warrior spirits, to my guy friends for being there for me.. to my family..for trying so hard & being such hard working people and so good to your friends.. To celebrate the day one was born is taking on a new meaning for me.. as I am now a grandmother & I realize that I'm the same person but with self-work & counseling over the years to today.. realizing & accepting, more importantly, acknowledging that I've sure come a long way on my healing journey. The road ever changes & some days it's all uphill. . . or feels that way til I realize that I am the one to instill a change in myself & my heart. Life has become so much more important & just as importantly, so are my friendships, & my relationship to family. Rez school affected my ability to allow people to get too close & my way has been to be... loving n friendly but surface "hey!how'sitgoinseeyoulater!" To protect myself & my soul, for many reasons..I've learned. But I want you to know that inside... you've always been in my heart & I truly do care, miss you when I don't see you and I've also watched your accomplishments & your life changes. ...I've stepped back from a lot of my activities.. to work towards bonding with my adult children & my grandchildren & family. I've kept busy as I know I should for the good.. but maybe it's been a bit too much to avoid what I'm not sure yet.. possibly the closeness that I've never got used to.. but I don't want to miss any more. Resenting these rez school life impacts won't do me any favors.. but working towards mending the holes n tears..(tares and teers) and not against.. can only serve towards a more whole purpose and heart.. & hopefully heal and fill the holes that have impacted my children. I know I've done the best I can...as we all truly believe .. and say, but.. I know I can do better now..for them.. for me.. for the hearts and well-being of my grandchildren, so that they can too, one day be there for my beloved people. They should not have to learn about life the hard way that I've had to, like many of us have had to.. to pay for the sins of colonization. it's still one step at a time...but as long as I'm workin it.. life's gonna be okay and .. better! Love to you all... Zucomulwat..Kat Norris Coast Salish, Lyackson First Nation Nez Perce, Colville Confederated Tribes.